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One of my goals is to teach my ever growing expat flock about life in the Netherlands.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, if you’re going to stay in the Netherlands for longer than a year or two, it’s essential to learn Dutch.

So the woman of your loins, sorry dreams, looks nothing like Scarlett Johansson, so what?

I’ve never seen the lovely Scarlett photographed wearing Ugg boots, or dangerously flat shoes. Wauw, je hebt echt een beetje het lichaam van die vent uit James Bond (this will do for any Dutch guy, it doesn’t even matter which James Bond you’re referring to.

The deployment of some basic Dutch while flirting with your target can go a long way to having Ugg boots or brown shoes sitting in your hallway this winter.

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So while suppressing laughter, you can say “you look een beetje like James Bond”.

Nu vinden vele (Nederlandse mannen) het grappig om te zeggen:‘’Hoi, jij hebt een opening en ik heb zin’’ Meaning: you have an opening and I am horny. Vooral het compliment in combinatie met jouw charmante accent* zal de Nederlander doen smelten.

Wij zijn de lulligste niet dus hierbij alvast een paar kant en klare cut-and-paste complimenten*exception for Germans‘’Wat heb je een’’ adjective (positive) noun Wat heb je een-leuke schoenen /try not to make comments about how flat or brown they are)-goede dansmoves /lie through your teeth)-mooi achterwerk /No buts, Dutch women have good butts, god bless the bicycle seat)-innemende ogen /I’m sure you have lovely eyes, now take off those sunglasses (Amsterdam South, Het Gooi joke)-lekker lichaam/If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?

Every topic in this world will be covered in the most animated way ever.

The Shallow Man, like the voyagers of the Starship Enterprise, (warning IT joke) believes in boldly going where no person has gone before.

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